i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
