I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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