My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
