I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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