Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
