I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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