this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
