Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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