I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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