I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
