Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
