I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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