My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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