I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize