Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
