My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
