This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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