I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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