i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
