i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
