RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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