So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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