gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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