yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize