Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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