fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
