I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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