Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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