Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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