yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
