I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
