also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
