Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
