My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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