how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was born a porn star she said
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
