How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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