Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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