"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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