Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
