Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
