Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
