Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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