if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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