lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
