It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
