Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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