Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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