you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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