I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
