even my farts smell like vagina
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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