She is in my trunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
