In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
