Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think my moral compass just broke
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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