i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
