my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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