you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
