im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
