your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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