the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
